Jobs even KBR won't fill

In between news items about Angelina Jolie's adoption of a little girl from Ethiopia (why, Brad and Angelina, must you thwart the conception of the World's Sexiest Baby, that sweetest of tabloid dreams? Brad, this is your second such thwarting, and with Jennifer apparently hooking up with Vince Vaughn, the eyes of the world have come to rest upon your pouty, ripped self) and finally giving in to the Netflix pressure, I found this.

Now, I don't know what kind of pie-eyed optimism or incredibly negligent person would sign up for a job in the soon-to-be biggest target in Iraq (actually, it kind of already is. I forwarded the link to a co-worker who pointed out that the embassy building has already been the target of a bombing attempt and it isn't staffed), but I can see the attraction. I mean, you get room and board ("a food service contractor provides food service for all employees, including adequate supplies of fresh fruits, vegetables, ice and safe drinking water") and a phat paycheck of $30k to start. (This was up this morning in a graphic, it's gone now. Also, after reading more, I think it is on top of whatever federal salary the applicant already makes, since the opportunities are for current federal employees, but I wouldn't swear to it.)

Upsides listed are as follows:

"Employees have access to a movie theater, a DVD library, a fully equipped gym, and a pool. Special activities are frequently scheduled. Religious services are regularly scheduled in the Annex Chapel found in the north end of the Palace." Okay, it's a Palace, how grim can it be? But should the gov't be advertising the location of the place Christians are going to congregate on Sunday mornings in Iraq?

"The following services are provided by the logistics support contractor: expendable supplies; motor pool; free laundry service (both drop-off and self-service) and dry cleaning; barber shop; beauty shop; full-service cafeteria; small theatre; gym; swimming pool; shuttle bus, facilities maintenance, morale and welfare; and other services. Residents are charged a nominal fee per service for barber/beauty services." What are "expendable supplies?" Who will need a "motor pool" and why? How casual is this pool? I mean, it obviously isn't for getting to the airport, right? How many times can they pimp their swimming pool before it gets repetitive? But thanks for the cheap salon. That's kinda cool.

"Satellite cable TV is currently being installed in all Embassy housing units."

"Employees are not authorized to ship or own privately owned vehicles (POV). Official and personal travel outside the International Zone will be in accordance with post policy in Full-Armored Vehicles (FAV) with personal security details (PSDs)." Well, I could have told you that. But that don't mean it don't sound pimp!

"Nearly all 3161 employees are housed in modular units on the heavily guarded and fortified Embassy Annex compound." Okay, that isn't what I think of when I think of a Palace. Especially a capitalized Palace. "Post will make every effort to ensure that each permanently assigned employee on a one-year tour of duty is the sole occupant of one room, sharing a bath with the occupant of the other room in the modular unit." I suppose the fact that not all, merely nearly all, the 3,161 employees are in a heavily guarded and fortified annex is something of a downside. For those that aren't, I mean.

Downsides listed by the the site? They include:

"Clothing and shoes become dirty and worn very quickly from the fine dust, gravel, dirty air, and, sometimes, mud."

"Bring towels, but bed linen is issued."

"Those who are posted to the Embassy for shorter durations or who are not USG employees should expect to either share a room or live in temporary, less private, group accommodations."

"Each modular unit consists of two separate rooms with a shared bathroom/shower. Rooms typically contain at least one single bed, a small closet, an air conditioning/heating unit, a small refrigerator, and a television." I guess I should be glad the government isn't being too profligate with those tax dollars, but this sounds pretty grim. I mean, what, are the diplomats going to go outside in the Green Zone much?

"Credit cards and travelers checks are not yet a means of transacting business in Iraq. Shop owners only accept cash ... ATMs are available in Kuwait City, but they are NOT available in Iraq at the present time."

"Internet is not available from local service providers"

"The logistics support contractor transports employees to the military side of the Kuwait airport. Meal tickets will be provided. The logistics support contractor will issue a helmet and protective vest. There is usually a long wait and departure schedules are not published due to security concerns. Luggage is palletized. Employees must carry their helmet and vest on the plane and wear them during the trip into Baghdad. Only one briefcase or small backpack can be hand-carried onto the C-130 aircraft in addition to protective gear." This is starting to sound a little intimidating, this year in Iraq thing. For $30k, anyway.

"Bring towels, but bed linen is issued." No towels? Those things are a pain to pack.

And although the logistics person "palletizes" luggage, above, those towels will become a major burden. To wit:

"Iraq entails some unique medical challenges. Travel in and out of Iraq is physically demanding. The trip may take several days and uses military aircraft. Personnel must wear heavy body armor and helmets, and carry all of their own luggage over long distances. During the summer months this is all done in extreme heat. "

Also the Rabies pre-exposure shot is recommended.

The having to pack towels thing puts me right off. I mean, I was all set to sign up for a lovely year of being stuck in an embassy with a staff the size of my college (likely with the same social tensions, but none of the tension-reliving, uh, tools? we had at our disposal) and minimized contact with the host population and having to worry about bombs.

I mean, you have to be REALLY dedicated to the reconstruction to join up. Or mercenary. Or barking. Godspeed, volunteers.