Crazy dream

So last night I dreamed I was in Target, and Jim Bakker (of the PTL Club) was following me around regaling me with tales of all the D-list celebrity bimbos his son was dating, and how it was so exciting, and how this was proof positive his son was really on his way up. And I had had dealings with his son, who (in the dream, anyway) was really annoying and obnoxious and just the kind of person so obsessed with himself and externalia that after a few minutes of pretending to be polite, I told Jim Bakker that actually, his son was a total douche, and was likely not "dating" the bimbos he claimed but rather was calling them all the time and annoying them and showing up where they were hanging out and pretending they were all the greatest of friends when they just wanted to get away from him. Then I told Jim Bakker, "But then, you're kind of a rapist so I guess you don't really understand the whole communication thing, so why don't you go away and let me buy my shampoo." That was pretty fast, even for me, and certainly for a dream.

The other new thing for me was elk. One of Ray's clients gave him elk sausage, elk steaks and ground up elk. One elk is apparently more than enough for that "Cheaper By The Dozen" family. I can only imagine how tiring it is to drag out of the woods. A friend of mine who hunts said he goes to the bike-in places and, when he kills a deer, he "vents it" (I have no idea what that means and I'm not sure I want to know), gets his bike, takes off the seat and props the deer up on the pole (via the vent, I'm sure), lashes the front paws to the handles and pushes it out of the woods. How ya like them apples?

So we busted out the ground elk and made burgers (I made the patties, Ray was grossed out by the whole touching meat thing) with a little salt and pepper and a splash of water and worcestershire sauce (water was a tip from Jeffery Steingarten, whose opinion on eating for pleasure I trust completely, the guy loves to chow down on frozen Mars bars) to keep it moist. Well, the meat tasted a whole lot like beef. It wasn't as tender, but I kind of overcooked it (safety first) and there was hardly any fat. It was really lean stuff. But it was quite yummy, and maybe next time I'd throw a little oil in instead of water.

In other bits of information that may interest the reader, we watched "The Savages," which is billed as a dark comedy, but it wasn't very funny unless you think a whole lot of bourgeois griping about nursing homes, trite stereotypes and people with MFAs are inherently funny (there is not an MFAer in the world who is remotely funny in my experience). It seriously should go on Stuff White People Like. Although its ilk of film has probably been scrutinized there before.