Maybe there's a stoplight I don't know about in Madison County, Ark., and maybe I'm overestimating the stoplight count (I'm pretty sure there's one because I've heard Madison County inhabitants mock Newton County ceaselessly for thier lack thereof). But one thing is for sure, there is no paper more amusing and disturbing than the Madison County Record.
My aunt Patti was kind enough not only to send me a gift this Xmas, but one that had been packed safely with the Record. I must blog it.
The very first thing that caught my eye was what we in the business call a "house ad," which tells the good people of Madison County that they can fax any document "anywhere there is another fax machine" for under $4. Which is still a rip-off price, for one thing, and so quaint in that most people nowadays just send email documents to each other.
Other ads are equally as hilarious, like the ad for Huntsville on the Square, which is one of those multi-sponsored ads by local stores. "SHOP NANA'S Blings n' Things," is a hilarious name. Another store is called "Faux Ever Yours." One place doesn't seem to have a name; its ad is this text: "Huntsville's 'Hippest' Little Boutique ... 'Hip' styles at 'Hipper' prices," superimposed over a gray peace sign. Scare quotes are in a lot of ads, so they are in good company. A to Z Pawn also has an ad.
Then there are the small-town dispatches. Debra Harmon of Forum/Alabam notes that her Thanksgiving was planned around her daughter-in-law's knee surgery, so they went to her folks' place in Russellville.
"We thought it would be best if we traveled to them in our travel trailer," Harmon writes. "While there during our five-day stay, we found the travel trailer of our dreams at the [business name redacted]. We now have much more room and convenience. Our family, [sic] Travis, Tolina, Trent, Butch and I [sic] enjoyed doing some holiday shopping as well."
Janet Little Musteen of Kingston writes, "The first responders and fire department had no calls this week. That must mean that everyone had a safe Thanksgiving."
Well, hold the phone Janet Little Musteen. This was a TG of death, violence and apparently a standoff with a sniper squad at the trailer park. You can read this story here. But the short version is she asked him to "heat up" TG dinner because she had been running around all day (he apparently didn't have anything else to do) and when she sat down to eat it, it was cold. So they had a bad fight, mixed with alcohol, and then he shot her in the face with a shotgun loaded with birdshot. (An aside: Who heats up TG dinner on TG? Did they have a pre-TG TG and that is why their daughter was at her grandmother's? Why weren't they with her there? Or was this like a Hungryman turkey dinner? And if so, how sad is that? It really makes one's mind work.)
Of course, no one heard the shot, so he called the cops to tell them, then threatened to shoot anyone who tried to take him in. This is where things get nuts. To directly quote:
"Hissom called the Madison County Sheriff's Office at 6:41 p.m. on Thanksgiving evening, telling dispatcher Lola Hampel that he had shot his wife in the face (with birdshot from the shotgun) and that he was armed and he would "take out the first officer that comes in the door" of their mobile home on 845 Edgewood Place, Lot 1. The residence is located just south of Countryside Retirement Center and west of Brashears Funeral Home.
"Huntsville Police Lt. Mike Livermore made contact with Hissom from the communications center at the Madison County Sheriff's Office.
"Meanwhile members of the Huntsville Police Department, Madison County Sheriff's Department, Washington County Sheriff's Department K-9 unit, Arkansas Highway Patrol, Arkansas State Police and Arkansas Game & Fish arrived at the scene. A sniper team was also established.
Also, members of Madison County EMS and Air Evac Lifeteam of Springfield, Mo., were awaiting retrieval of the victim at the parking lot of Economy Drug."
If it were my story, I would have made all this stuff about the snipers and whatnot go in the lede. But I can tell by all his bylines, the fact that he is the editor and the fact that he probably is doing all the pagination that Kyle Mooty is one busy guy. The weekly paper grind is hard to explain to the daily journalist, who also rightly feels put-upon, but trust me, weeklies are way harder for less money.
Obviously, this is a disturbing story. Here's another disturbing story. And I am calling shenanigans on the assertion made in the lede by the motel owners. Kyle Mooty reported, I decided.
I've noticed that there is kind of a theme going on with stories that lead off the MCR. A man kills his wife when she complains about a dinner he hasn't exactly been slaving over, a local guy with the middle name of "Caption" is extradited from California after being charged with rape (see the picture, it's priceless) and a woman's body is sent to the state crime lab because there are questions about her death. Also, her live-in bf is taken in on outstanding warrants. Lots of violence toward women of late, no?
It's too bad I don't have the impetus to input the letters to the editor. They are wackadoodle. If you are ever in Madison County, say, writing about its covered bridges for National Geographic or putting your high-end Italian auto through its paces on the pig trail, I highly recommend you pick up a copy. For me, it was like Christmas came even before I opened my present.
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