The pressure to tan

So I got mocked the other day for my paleness of skin by a colleague who I wouldn't have thought would have noticed, and then pressured to tan by another worker who used to have a job with Pink Coconuts. So I put the fake bake on my legs and wore a skirt today. Honestly, I didn't look like I had any kind of tan at all. That's just how pale I am.

The way people tan in Washington State, you'd think they were Canadians or something. Honestly, they go on vacation and lose their minds with the tanning. And a good deal of people go to tropical places like Hawaii. Don in my kickboxing class goes every so often — so does another woman — and they both come back with tons of melanin. It's like they're stocking up on it because it's a necessity instead of a precursor to skin cancer. My formerly Canadian relatives always had a pretty messed-up perspective on tanning, back in the 80s, with some kind of idea that they needed a base burn to get the tan started (now they live in Florida and are nuttier (in skin tone!) than peanut butter). That's what it's like among the Washingtonians. Washingtonian Statians. Life would have been so much easier had the state convention gone with the original plan to call this state "Columbia." Or else we need a nickname. I propose, "Soggies," which would be short for "Soggy loggies."

But I digress, a part of working today was going to city council, and the story I have always wished I could tell is the incredibly banal celebrity gossip-style story of city council. I would definitely have had a tan watch. And tonight would have been a killer night to update the locals on the tan situation.

- Gig Harbor Mayor Chuck Hunter recently returned from Florida a toasty color. His wife Diane, in the audience, was not nearly as tan but still had a healthy glow.
- Councilmember Tim Payne's tan is faded.
- Former mayor and current frequent contributor to public comment Jake Bujacich was a very deep roasted brown with an undertone of pink. He has been in Palm Springs for the past couple months.
- Much missed are former councilmembers John Picinich and Frank Ruffo, whose ancestry from the plural terminal vowel side of the Spezia-Remini line lent them inordinately dark tans that they'd trade off back and forth throughout the months. Also, they used to make and second virtually half of all the motions and all the easy-peasy ones like the consent agenda.

People, I honestly notice too much.