I have begun the Ultimate Purge of my apartment, which will culminate tonight in an orgy of clip-reducing. I have, seriously, about three bags and boxes full of clips I need to cut out, sort through and organize. Also some award plaques and stuff. Funnily, about two years ago I bought an organization system for them, which lies empty in the closet as well. Better late than never, and maybe this time I can keep it updated weekly (yeah, right). Already I have gotten shed of a bunch of junk that's been needing to be gotten shed of.
One of the pieces of paper I need to purge is a press invite to Miami Vice (if anyone wants to go tomorrow I've got a pass!) which is so hilariously written I feel the need to share key elements of it.
First, we start off with the sentence, "Ricardo Tubbs (Academy Award [and here they use the circled r but I think that's bogus] winner Jamie Foxx) is urbane and dead smart." Not that urbane and smart are synonyms or anything. "He lives with Bronx-born intel analyst Trudy, played by British actress Naomie Harris, as they work undercover transporting drug loads into South Florida to identify a group responsible for three murders." Okay, Bronx-born intel analyst played by a Briton (but I'll buy that she's in Fla., although I think that's a lot of unnecessary backstory for "Trudy"). That is hilarious. And they're doing this dangerous work to ... identify a group responsible for THREE LOUSY MURDERS??? Maybe they should use their analysis skills and taste for danger to, I don't know, find Al-freaking-Qaeda? When is the last time the cops cared enough about drug killings that they invested like that in a case? Since when is a drug-related killing really that difficult to solve, come to think of it?
Anyway, Michael Mann's people continue thusly: "Sonny Crockett (Colin Farrell) is charismatic and flirtatious [which are not synonyms or anything] until — while undercover working with the supplier of the South Florida group [wait, isn't that who Tubbs and Trudy are working with? They are shipping drug loads, right? So they're working together already? What?] — he gets romantically entangled with Isabella, the Chinese-Cuban [ROTFLMAO] wife of an arms and drug trafficker. Isabella is played by Gong Li." What? Gong Li? "Raise the Red Lantern," "Shanghai Triad," "Ju Dou" Gong Li? Playing a Chinese-Cuban? She is the most classically Chinese beauty in the world which, I have to say, has a great deal to do with her popularity.
I also love how the whole of the backstory is laid out in ridiculous, willing suspension of disbelief-killing prose. But then we come to the film's philosophy. To wit:
"The best undercover identity is oneself with the volume turned up and restraint unplugged."
This may become my new motto.
"The intensity of this case pushes Crockett and Tubbs out onto the edge where identity and fabrication become blurred, where cop and player become one [this sounds suspiciously like the interpretation of a Gender Studies 101 student] — especially for Crockett in his romance with Isabella and for Tubbs in the provocation of an assault on those he loves." First of all, thanks for getting super literal, I needed that. And second of all, thanks for introducing the idea that Tubbs has more than one person who he either attacks or provokes to get attacked. Were these people his mixed-race lesbian couple of aged aunts who raised him with seven other babies of assorted other races and accent provinences when his parents died in a car crash during a freak snowstorm in Tampa? I don't think there was enough goofy-ass backstory provided.
At any rate, remember: The best undercover identity is oneself with the volume turned up and restraint unplugged. Especially if you are an undercover cop, because Lord knows people attracted to cop work are never the slightest bit upstanding or legalistic or pragmatic or any other personality trait that might not be appropriate while doing undercover work to turn up the volume on.
Seriously, how can this movie not rock.
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