Left Behind

So today I went to the Day of Action, where a bunch of educators from eight local school districts got the day off to tell lawmakers that they don't want school funding cut. They did this in Olympia, which is known as a place that's kind of a pill to get around in and especially park, especially while the lege is in session and moreso when there are so many inaugurations going on. So my editor and I decide I'll drive down and park at the former Mervyn's at Capital Mall, where there will be shuttle buses waiting to take us to the event.

Mission accomplished. Total success. I got on no problem and signed in at the sign-in sheet. Which was heartening, as was the ditzy-looking bus monitor's announcements that we were on bus 153 and needed to remember that, it was very important, and we'd be loading the bus at 12:45 p.m. and returning to the lot at 1 p.m.

Well, the rally went a little faster than expected, because it was really cold and everyone was stamping their feet and it was windy and my face turned about three shades of red from windburn (my hands got even colder). So on the way back there was a ton of time for the 12:45 departure. I stopped in at Wagner's for a latte and a few minutes of warm air. Well, all of Grays Harbor ended up in there for lunch or lattes as well, so I chatted a little with the teachers. But I was soon a little overwhelmed by all the educators and felt surrounded by sources in a non-sourcy place so I had to beat it and I was on my little jaunt back to the buses. It was maybe 12:20/12:25ish (earlier than I had initially planned to leave), so I knew I had tons of time yet the pace I set was pretty brisk because so was the weather.

I could see the buses across the way on Deschutes. I was heartened by the fact that these people do field trips all the time and need to corral little kids — how hard could it be with self-regulating and mature adults? I wondered. Well, as I was a few clicks from the buses one of them took off. So I started booking it, startled as heck. As I just get to the buses another three take off.

There are monitors there, so I ask, "Where are those buses going? I need to get to the mall." And they say they don't know, what, like it's their job to make sure people are on the buses they need to be on?

"Where's this bus going to?" I ask. Montesano, it turns out. (I know this because the driver is right there and can answer) "Where are the other two buses going?" (no one knows.) Then suddenly THOSE two buses take off.

In a burst of common sense, I say, "Oh, well, those buses to the mall must be coming back, right?" I mean, you don't just leave that early and then not expect some people to show up a little late, I mean, that's just life, right? I mean, I wasn't even late!

"No. They're not." The finality and utter confidence with which this phrase was said was in total contrast to everything else I had heard to that point.

"That's crazy," I say. "The scheduled departure time was 1." I get looked at like I have autism or something. Why is this chick so obsessed with bus schedules? There must be some kind of perceptual problem in her head.

Holy crap, it's me and one bus to Monte. My car is stuck at the mall. My face is obviously the face of the freaked-out, so one of the monitors says, "Don't worry honey, we'll get you where you need to go. You just go back over where the U-Haul is" way down at the park, I'm not so sure anyone will be there when I get there "and there'll be someone who can drive you."

The hell I'm going to leave this bus and embark on a journey that could burn me. I also realize at this exact moment that my cell phone is charging on the table upstairs and NOT in my purse and if I need to call someone to find out which exact bus it is that runs to the Capital Mall and where the stops are I am totally hosed. I kind of just want to go all Keenan whateverhisname is on SNL and scream "FISSIT!" at the bus monitor. It is totally their fault that I am standing there at 12:30, a full half hour before the announced departure time, and there are no buses there.

The Monte bus driver tells me the mall is on his way and he can drop me off. God bless you, bus driver. So I get on the Monte bus and am taken to the mall. Ironically, even though my bus left at least five minutes after the other buses, we get there before the other buses — MY bus included. I'm walking across the parking lot as I see them come in.

Well, I'm relieved, but I'm also totally pissed off, and I really feel the need to tell these dummies that they had given fairly explicit instructions and there was a reasonable expectation that some teachers would linger in a warm coffeeshop before heading to the bus drop. So I found one bus monitor and said, "Is the bus monitor on 153? Because I got left behind." This other lady totally could not process that because I was here now, wasn't I? I may not have explained that the GOODNESS of ONE MAN'S HEART gave me a lift to a place not totally out of his way, but I was angry and confused and a little worried that other people may have taken these other people at, oh, I don't know, THEIR WORD. (side note: the teachers on the bus say sometimes on field trips they're so aware of having to get all the kids they forget the chaperones. No good deed, people. No good deed.)

So this bus monitor #1 is with me when I see the glassy-eyed bus monitor of bus 153. And I do mean that when you look into her eyes, you don't see in. They are as reflective as those of a fish, a drowned man, a zombie. Kind of like the way Roald Dahl describes the eyes of the witches in "The Witches." I am a little freaked out by them, but angry enough to say, "Hey, I was supposed to be on that bus. I got left behind."

And of course since I don't say I had to catch a lift, this chick totally cannot process how I've been left behind because after all I am right there. Here is a reconstruction of the incident, I speak first.

"Why did you leave so early? You said the bus would load at 12:45 and leave at 1. It's not even 12:45."

"That's right."

"Right, it's not even loading time. I wasn't late and you guys had taken off."

"Oh, well, if you check the time (looks at watch) see, it's 12:45." (this is not perfect, the real conversation was SO much stupider and head-banging than that it is literally too stupid for me to recall)

"Right. NOW it is 12:45, the loading time. I thought I had extra time to get to the buses. But you took off, you totally abandoned me."

"Oh I SEE what the problem is. I did a headcount. We had 30 people."

"You took my name down. Did you call the roll?"

"What? No. We did a headcount. I counted 30 people. And some people said they weren't coming back with us." (This is a rally of about 500 people. I would think the sheer number of people shifting whether or not they are going to get to the bus and maybe not getting on the same frigging bus would encourage a little bit of sensitivity to making sure we all get out of Oly)

"But you didn't wait. That didn't occur ..." I am so mad now I am literally shaking with anger.

"We had thirty people! (Laughs) That's what happened!"

"Well, are you going to send some buses back in case..." "No." Yet another incredibly final and confident phrase after so much stupid twitterpating.

I can't tell you how mad I was at these stupid bus monitors. The ONLY thing they have to do is make sure they get people back where they belong and they screw it up on what I think could be an epic level (how many other coffee-drinking teachers were there waiting until not the last minute, but something near that? Or even last minute). They are all the worst stereotypes of the kind of people certain public education hating types point to as problems in the system, people who can't do, so they teach. They can't even say, "Oh, crap, we left you behind? I'm sorry." They don't care how it happened, it was just clearly my fault for listening to their stupid instructions. Like every other dang encounter I had with authority in my K-12 education, there was no rhyme, no reason and no apology. But plenty of hypocrisy to go around!

The only thing I find less comprehensible than the stupid bus monitors are the teachers who all got back on time and none of whom had the common sense to say, "Well, wait a minute, we said we'd take off at 1, shouldn't a bus stick around and wait for any possible latecomers? This has been a big rally with a lot of people going in and out and we should take every precaution." But it's possible that they all just really wanted to get back to their cars so they could go to the mall or Target. Because they had the day off and I can't really blame them. I had to go to Target, which was next door to the mall, to walk off my frustration and look for shelf organizers (they don't really have them).

Note to parents: Don't ever be a chaperone on your kids' field trip. If you are left behind the teachers will think it's funny and possibly, from what I observed today, not go back to pick you up.

Again, THANK YOU MONTE BUS PEOPLE. Your kindness shown brightly among the dimbulbs and greatly relieved my mind.