NW: Popin' and lockin'

Newsweek loves popes. Dead, alive, whatever. Again, another pope on the front, this one the new guy, Benedictine XVI.

Mark Whittaker isn't so totally irritatingly into his publication today. Whatevah.

There's an article about how some doctors are doing specialized trials of MDMA (that's Ecstasy) for terminally ill patients. I'm sorry, but what exactly are we protecting the terminally ill from when it comes to drugs? If I had six months left I think crack might be the least of my expenses for pain.

TheTechnologist (was this called something else last week?) is about Tiger and Longhorn. Tiger is better. I didn't need 30 inches of text to tell me that. Also, NW helpfully points out dailyhowler.com's refutation of Time's Ann Coulter article. I get it. Do you?

At least some of NW's readers thought the dead PJP II photo was ghoulish. No one said the kissing Bushes looked gross, like I did, though they do think it was rude of them to be kissyface at a funeral. I agree that the only place that should be kissed during a funeral is the cheek or side of the head to an actual mourner. Lip to lip is tackier than fly paper.

However, sometimes I wonder about the kinds of people that read newsweekly magazines. Do they not know shit about important figures until they read a lavish article about said figures in NW? A Unitarian Universalist declares her agreement with the former pope on matters relating to American consumerism and praises him. A New Jersey man tells the pope to rest in peace and watch over us. One doof declares that NW's article was very moved, soul was uplifted and inspired. Sheesh. The writing isn't *that* good in NW.

Here are the TLS's of NW:

"Travel can be exhausting — and not every dinner is a must."

"The steady rain of complaints about Bolton may or may not finish him, but there's no sign that the clouds are clearing."

"For the sake of assuming power at last, they may succeed in holding out a little longer."

"And the Shiite moment would turn into the Shiite model."

"For Angola and its neighbors, that can't come soon enough."

"If Morgan is absorbed by another firm, perhaps current and former executives will gather someday to recall Morgan's better days, and reflect on what their battles ultimately cost them."

"How's that for symbolism?"

"But no matter how much the agency reforms itself, it may never be able to protect witnesses who refuse to protect themselves."

"Since then, they've falled in love with their forgery and may decide that morssanite ... is forever."

"Unless, of course, madame would prefer the vegetable reduction on her asparagus instead?"

"Chalk it up as one more thing about System you'll never understand."

There's a four-page special spread on crap you can buy to clutter up your life. I mean, make life easier. To bear. Did I say that?

Incomprehensible hed of the week: "The New Bennifer: Call Them Gaffleck." There's no help in the text, either.

Other impending signs of the Apocolypse: "Cold Case" is about a Mormon serial killer (with a weird "Rocky Horror" theme and all the flashbacks are shot in a weird, overwrought, overwritten way that is really annoying) and Rosie O'Donnell is going the low-rent Robin Williams way by playing a retarded woman with strange twitches and an irrepressible spirit.