NW gets blogged a lot

Well, a little Periscope item really stirred the pot, didn't it? Mention that one Qu'ran got flushed and get blamed for riots and death.

But that is for legitimater blogs than mine. Turn to dailykos.com if you want to read about how NW got cowed by the religious right, the most powerful victims ever. Turn to Salon.com if you care to learn that NW was hardly the first news outlet to report on the alleged swirlying of such an important document. Me, I do the Tragic Last Sentances. And that's as much research as I care to do on such a corny, dispicable outlet as NW.

But the question begs, "how white *is* NW?" This week, it is oh so white. The cover is another pretty white person repping the best high schools in America (like the pretty pretty white people they used for the healthy families issue, when anyone could have gone on the cover). It is so white that there is a "My Turn" about a soccer mom (shown in front of a pool, I guess the label does not equal a particular sport so much as it does picking kids up after athletics) and her iPod (not the U2 special edition, natch, nor a mini, but a white white white iPod). She has 822 songs on her iPod, a machine she believes is only fit for oldies who love all music! But she is so short-sightedly white she only has 1/3 of the music I have on mine on hers and she has at least 15 years of terrible terrible music love (she cites Usher and Evenescence as faves as well as 3 doors down and some 70s kitsch, too). It is so white that Mike Huckabee, governor of the state I so long ago absconded in sheer horror, is on the inside. He is white, people. He lived in a triplewide while the governor's mansion was being remodeled. Nothing says too white like egregious use of prefab architecture. It is so white it has a doubletruck of the Runaway Bride, complete with a big picture of that poor hungry woman's eyes. Which have big whites. For interesting pigmentation, one must turn to a rogues gallery of Al-Qaeda suspects, one with some sort of vitiligo around his face.

Ah, the face. How mine is suffering. Less than that man's, obviously. Abu Farraj Al-Libbi, the tenth number three Al Qaeda man that has been caught, in case you were wondering. I have a rash from some SPFed Hawaiian Tropics chapstick. I refuse to give it up completely because it smells so good, but the rash is all over the bottom of my face. Also, I burned my mouth from hot pizza the other day. My whole lower jaw is a wreck, and the only thing that feels good is sweet, sweet tapioca.

Which is white. Also, there are the Black Eyed Peas. Lest you think that this band is colorful, which it is in skin tone, it has a primarily white audience. Which NW is now discovering. Good for you, NW! Hey, could it be a coincidence that the iPod is in a "My Turn" and the BEP, which has been the soundtrack to an iPod commercial, is getting a big spread? Or is Steve Jobs the Master of the NW Universe? Jobs, if you are, please do something about NW's tragic last sentences.

Also extremely white: giving Paula Abdul a down arrow in Conventional Wisdom Watch, the feature once deemed to be so inscrutable in spite of its longevity that they now spell it out for the readers who will take offense at it anyway. Paula Abdul and the Idol kid? So what. Judging her when she is such a crappy, washed-up former "singer" is very white indeed.

But there is also some gayness! Behold Gordon Brown, gazing wistfully at Tony Blair! Does he "aim to succeed him" or something else? Something else I hope!

But now it is time for the tragic last sentences.

"And then he's back on the road for his book tour, clearly relishing the ceremony, loving the opportunity to stir the pot as well as lick the spoon."

"And there are plenty of tourists eager to tune in."

"But maybe it's just magic."

"U.S. officials are happy to take any information al-Libbi gives up — but even happier to leave at least one suspect's fate in someone else's hands."

"If it gets much worse, any other gauge of the counterinsurgency will seem irrelevant."

"Whether Brown and Blair continue to be on their best behavior will determine the course of British politics for the coming months, or years." (yeah, give or take, it's all the same. Could this be any more vague?)

"If they end up reaching the altar, rest assured that the press will be close at hand, snapping, shooting and scribbling away."

"That leaves one officer left to patrol Sebree, and to try to stop meth from ruining any more lives in this little town."

"The obvious solution fits on a bumpersticker: compromise."

"But it's clear that Katzenberg plans to be this decade's lion king."

"It's just the first stop on a journey that she hopes will someday take her as far as she wants to go."

"Right now, Dave Chappelle is on top of it — but it looks like he's losing his balance."

"What you can't argue with is that he's stayed true to his vision, and that that vision has changed the cultural landscape irrevocably."

"If there's a message there, we'll worry about it in the morning."

As will I, as I itchily sign off. NW, thanks for the whiteness. You make me feel like a regular purveyor of all things earthy and soulful.