Boy, I figured destroying the World Trade Center would be a pretty tough act to follow for Al-Qaeda, but in my weird, paranoid imaginings I never figured the next logical step would be kidnapping Russell Crowe.
All that money spent on Homeland Security in Wyoming and all along the threat was to ... an Australian actor. What the heck was that cell meeting like? Oh to have been a fly on the wall. A fly who speaks Arabic.
There's an irony here. With the 9/11 attacks, the terrorists set themselves up as people who actually knew where to hit for a number of strategic reasons: the Pentagon, center of the military, the WTC, a financial hub with massive nearby media for the quickest dispersion of the most horrifying images, allegedly the White House or the Capitol, with its seat of political power.
With the announcement that they were ever after a freaking celebrity, it's like the America-rejecting terrorists have become us, trapped into thinking kidnapping a star would actually terrorize regular people. I mean, I'd feel bad for Crowe if something happened to him, but if Al-Qaeda were kidnapping celebs, I wouldn't really worry about it affecting my life too much. What, are they going to kidnap me? Kill my legislators? Ruin my sense of security? Not so much.
Of course, there are people in this country who identify far too much with celebrities (confession, last night I had a dream I was hanging out with Oprah; she was really nice and encouraging, I'm trying not to read too much into it) and maybe this would shatter their sense of self. But for the terrorists to intuit that, they had to be awfully Americanized.
I'm just saying.
1 comment:
Ok, Osama. If you're reading this and want to strike terror into the hearts of the American infidels, there's a few celebs I wouldn't want you to miss.
Take Paris Hilton, for example. I think it's fair to say we'd all be shaking in our collective Nikes were she to suddenly be lost from the media spotlight. Trust me on this.
And let's not forget Jacko and Robert Blake. You can see how those guys are so closely woven into the very fabric of our national consciousness from the endless media coverage they inspire. The void that would be left in their wake is almost too horrible to contemplate.
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