I ate methadone FMW

Well, fellow people, I did something I didn't want to do, but after a few Frosted Miniwheat-free days I couldn't take it anymore and I went to the store.

Ever since the low-carb thing gripped Americans I've been in carbohydrate hog heaven and entirely too accustomed to seeing discounted namebrand cereals (especially the healthy ones) every time I shop. Well, not the other day. And there is no way I'm going to pay $5 for a box of cereal. I just refuse. So I searched my purse for a coupon, but no, not at all.

However, I noticed that the private label brand was on sale. You know, the kind that isn't actually FMW, but is "Bite size Frosted Shredded Wheat." I knew it would not be as good as FMW (what is?) but I didn't know if it would be as bad as the private label grape nuts, which are horrible, and I think are called "crunchy nuggets," which aren't nearly as evocative a title as "Grape Nuts." But for $2.50 for 20 oz, I was willing to take a chance.

What I got was the methadone of FMW. They did not get me high like FMW does, that is to say, I did not get the big satisfaction payoff while eating them, but it did curb my crazy crazy cravings for the hard stuff.

The private label brand had some issues: it was toastier tasting, which wasn't too bad and sometimes was really nice; it had a slightly different texture and puffier build, which was not too bad either but wasn't really ever really nice; and it had a MUCH less even distribution of frosting on individual bits. Some bits had a whiff, others had a thick, thick coating. This was an interesting element, to say the least. Usually when I eat FMW I try to keep the most-frosted ones in the bowl until the last five or six, where I eat them in ascending order of frostedness (I am a freak, I have gotten over it, I don't make a big public deal about this eating order normally, but I'm telling a story here). With the varying levels of frostedness, didn't have to do this. Instead, I just pretty much ate the superfrost bits at my leisure until I reached the last three or four. I even could eat a Superfrost with a Nofrost to balance a spoonful out (however, it was a mouthful). Now, this had the effect of being an insane relief to my OCD'd manner of eating the stuff — I could just let go and enjoy the faux FMW — but it also kind of irked me because with regular FMW, you may — MAY — have one megafrosty bit in the whole bowl, so if you do it's a real treat. With the faux FMW, there was no special Skinnerian payoff. It wasn't just gambling without risk, it was gambling without the chance of intermittent letdowns.

I guess this experience with the fake FMW has taught me that I don't always want to be a winner. OTOH, maybe this experience does not have that much to tell me about myself except that I eat like a freak.

Yesterday I went to Safeway for lunch (considered the sushi, went with a grilled panini — Philly cheesesteak, sad to say they didn't have marinara behind the counter, which would have perked it up a notch — and didn't get hungry until 10 p.m.) and saw FMW on sale, $3 per 24 oz. So I bought a couple boxes, but I'm still planning on finishing the fake box first. Because I'm cheap and because I have adjusted a little; perhaps even brought a little sanity to the whole FMW consumption, with the methadone box.