My date with Mister Clean

I went to a promotional event for the clean gay pirate and his bathroom swiffer. How cheesy is that.

I was curious, though; not so much about the product but who would drop by a wealthy Seattle suburb for tips on cleanliness. I thought I would have more snark to share, but I don't. I was put through a PR gantlet that has broken me down, people. I think that might have something with the fact that I was given a Magic Reach — basically a flexible swiffer for the bathroom that has a detachable head so you can use it on a pole or in your hand. It has two different types of scrub pads to attach and throw away. It has been researched and branded within an inch of its life (why not release under P&G brand swiffer? Because that brand is associated with quick n easy — the big gay muscleman throwback is associated with cleanliness, which is the operative word for bathroom sanitation). This, in other words, is a clever product.

Also, I was told I would get a gift pack that ought to include a nail polish by Cover Girl with the monniker "I love Mr. Clean." Which is cool.

Ladies love Mister Clean. Or, at least, the muscled, five percent body fat tanned bald dude that was playing him. I was a little freaked out by the white mascara on his eyebrows. He wasn't the cartoon character I've come to love. It's a little tough to see one of my idols brought all too literally to life.

But what the women were there for were the free manicures. If you are in PR and you want the ladies to turn out, offer free manicures. They are quick, hiring a manicurist or two is probably pretty cheap, but these ladies wanted to save $25. Insanity. And the women that were coming to this event were coming from the richest place in the state. For Pete's sake, Microsoft was across the street from this health club. I'm pretty sure most of these women, a lot of whom were coming to the health club for a Saturday morning workout, have figured out how not to do the intensive housework and their Saturday mornings were pretty much their own.

There was also the obligatory breast cancer awareness table.

What is it with the breast cancer awareness? It is the weirdest thing. I was pondering this at the event. There are a lot of women there, it makes sense. But there is something else going on with the breast cancer stuff. On my way back, I saw a car with three overlapping magnetic ribbons — one pink, which said "fight breast cancer," one yellow, with the slogan "support our troops," and a flag one that said "God Bless the USA." And I was thinking, what is the connection between these causes? Because logically, one of these things is not like the other. It's an add-on. It's like one more additional ribbon it's really hard to argue with. Support the troops, love the U.S.A., cop a feel for health.

There was an article in the NYT about all the color ribbons out there, and how some colors relate to several causes. How did the pink ribbon get as big as the yellow ribbon? Why not the one that is against autism (the scary uncontrollable baby disease that is so blamed popular)? Why not the one against Lou Gerihg's Disease? I mean, I stand nominally opposed to these unavoidable diseases that need more research in the fight against them. I'm every bit as willing to pay $2 to buy them as the other ribbons (in other words, I'm not that inclined). Are people just big ole joiners? If I put up a polka-dot ribbon fighting chicken pox would people buy it??