Tragic sentences, 2/7

More of Newsweek's tragic sentences, for people who hate prissy poseurs. And this week did not disappoint.

In the category of "Sell it! Move that merchandise!"

"Segways may remain a novelty item, but they're picking up speed."

"And for that, Polish says, $15,000 is a small price to pay."

In the category of "Downerville"

"The illusion of U.S. power was shattered. And it hasn't been restored." (Both sentences make it because they could be considered independent clauses)

"That may not sound like the most surefire solution, but as slaughter looms, a lot of ideas may start to look better."

In the category of "Reversal of Fortune, ala Dork"

"But until then, the resourceful Harvard type A's might have to prepare for plan B: getting some sleep."

"Which means hearing-impaired guests might be the only ones to decipher Bob Dylan."

"Unless, like A-Shayea, they live to tell the tale."

The category of "We Talk Knowingly of Politics"

"Who would dare cast a ballot against that?"

"If that doesn't map out, the next time they head to Greenbrier — at the start of another election year — they could always skip the PowerPoint sessions for a tour of the bunker."

"That's the kind of talk that's likely to keep Tancredo off the White House guest list for a long time to come."

In the category of "Newsweek Knows Best"

"She met him the old-fashioned way — in person."

in the category of "Brown-nosery"

"His art approached perfection; the rest was only life."

In a category all of its own is the somewhat incomprehensible:

"But with that right come certain obligations, enforceable only through public ridicule: respect facts, even inconvenient ones; say something critical of the "good guys" once in a while, if only to prove your independence, and refrain from sex or commerce with elephants or donkeys, unless you don't plan to cover them."

Eeeewww.

Now in all honesty, this is about journalism so I have to get on my soapbox. We need to say "something critical ... if only to prove [our] independence"? I think our independence would be better served by not setting up phony categories of "good" and "bad" guys, much less be critical on occasion for the heck of it.

As for not having commerce or, ew, sex, with elephants and donkeys, this is just not the sort of image one should put in a gentle reader's head. Oh, okay, I like the image of the elephant behind the old-timey knick knack shop. But it sets up two stupid categories. And by that I mean "Democrats" and "Republicans," which most people are some sort of part of. What the writer ought to say are "politicians," or "private interest groups," or "companies," or "government agencies," for A-section style journalists and "Hollywood stars," or "studios," or "publishing companies," or "organizations" for feature-style writers.

It's a trite sentiment, written ickily and overly simplistically. Well done, Newsweek. You never disappoint.