What on earth? Why should these kids have to pay for their neighbor's complete paranoia? You're in DURANGO, you hosebag. One of the safest and whitest-bread towns in the whole of the U.S. It isn't just that you can be assured the people banging on your door at night aren't meaning you any harm; it's that you can be pretty much assured they're going to be there for something incredibly Sandra Dee-style.
Once I was walking through Steamboat Springs and these two healthy, sixth-grade looking boys went by me — they were throwing a football — and I actually heard one of them say, "Are you going to the parade tomorrow?" and the other one said "Yeah! It'll be cool!" and I was so blown away by the sheer cognitive dissonance (aren't kids supposed to be jaded and stuff these days?) and the "Leave it to Beaver"-ness of the whole thing I almost had a little panic attack of my own.
Get over yourself, lady.
Didn't you see the cookies on your doorstep when you went to your sister's? What is the matter with you?
Don't set rat poison out if you start finding your shoes spontaneously fixed, either.
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