Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Superheroing and the pitfalls of the digital age

So I was driving home tonight thinking, of course, about James "Jeff Gannon" Guckert, because I am so tripped out by it. I mean, the way the open source research thing works, you just don't stand a chance in this world. I was also thinking about how comfortable my Dansko clogs are, and if I were a superhero, would I go for Danskos? Because they are very sturdy and thickly soled, I could probably break someone's jaw with a well-placed kick with the big Ds; however, to run in, I am not sure they are the best because they're very stiff (see previous clause) and the soles are a little slippery.

Naturally, my thoughts turned to what if I were a superhero? How in the age of the internet and modern forensic science could I maintain my secret identity? Because Danskos are about as obviously identifiable a shoe as anything, and all the sudden there's a raft of marketing material out there about the likely purchaser of the Danskos — e.g. a crunchy white girl in a communications job with vegetarian tendencies (BTW, today was a Frosted Miniwheat three-mealer! Except for some cheese and crackers, that's all I ate — with strawberries) — and there's one arrow.

Then I was reading in FAIR that the NYT talked to a scientist who studies images and has enhanced video of the infamous "Bush Bulge" during the first pres. debate that kinda shows how he likely cheated with a listening device (well, it sounds better when you support the visual evidence against the weird no-cameras-shooting-from-behind-Bush clause in the administration's agreement and the whole "let me speak!" when no one was talking to him) and I was thinking, ehmehgeh, because how would my face be safe from such technology no matter what mask I devised. Actually, I just realized a shell of plastic might do the trick. But eeew. That would be so unbreathable, and I'm sure as a superhero I'd sweat quite a bit kickin' bad guys across town.

Then there would be all the location blogging of times, dates and who is where and invoices for who bought what where to make the kick-ass costume I would have (remember, superheroing is not at all remunerative, and if it is you are doing it wrong; unless maybe it's through a non-profit Hall of Justice thing) and then they would have me. Oh, it would take a while, but the wily internet people and their total wilyness would finger little ole me.

It wouldn't even have to be the federales with their facial-recognition software and tire tread analyses and DNA testing, which are all major obstacles to maintaining a secret identity in the modern era.

Being a superhero would be a really hard job these days anyway. Maintaining a secret identity, impossible.

It almost makes me glad I'm not a superhero.

No comments: